if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
