my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
