dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
