You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't think brook has ever known best
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
