just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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