Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Floor bacon is actually really good
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
