Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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