who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
