the day after is always just damage control
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
