is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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