i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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