I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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