i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
