just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
