im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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