after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
