my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
