True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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