I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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