i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
