1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
