I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
