I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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