I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
