I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
