ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
