he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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