Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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