I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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