Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
