I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
