I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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