in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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