Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
