Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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