can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
