I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
