piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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