He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Umm I'm too high to move.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
