If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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