K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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