I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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