if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize