like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
