I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
