No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
