my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
