I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
