I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
