could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
