My liver just broke up with me...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
