I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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