And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
