She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
