There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
