oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
