Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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