it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
