K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
