Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
