I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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