I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
