In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
