Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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