I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
