I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize