Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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