Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
