I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
