Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
