Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
