I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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