Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
