I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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