I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
