If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
