He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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