Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
