Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
