EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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