He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
