how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
