there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
