I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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