About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
