now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
