She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
