I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
