There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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