The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize