did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
