Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You're a waste of cheezeits
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
