Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
