addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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