i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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